I am an exposed nerve. a nerve’s job is to feel. I feel everything. If a drop of water falls in the ocean, I can still manage a plus in the weight. I feel before feelings hit me like darts and when they do, I know how to feel a feeling that I have already felt.
I crumble sometimes. I try to draw roses on my surface and color my mouth rainbows. But most of the time my mouth has the wrong font for my words. Most of the time people see the wrong colors.
I put a cup under the wound, drops falling one after the other, as if like a broken sink. I bleed in way where there is no blood. Just a leak of poison running in my veins.
“Enough you’re making a loud noise” said Safeya while reading a book and she didn’t even look at me
I look at her in silence, I didn’t utter a word nor did I even move
“I want to read in silence” she said again
Today she decided we could have a quite day at the beach. i didn’t mind though
I look at the skies and I close my eyes, my heart was racing because from the inside I was always chasing myself. I became intolerable to my own self. At times I cannot befriend my own soul, my arms are not so opened for my own being.
And it’s just another magical day to overdose on whys!!
Safeya shuts the book in a loud noise and looks at me. I get frightened for a second and I look her in the eyes. She looked frustrated by me and sharp right into my eyes.
” stand up please” she said in a bossy way while standing up
But I didn’t stand I kept looking at her
“Okay then stay here as you like, Ill have a walk on the beach” and she left
My head was loud today, And my lips were out of gas. I had no words to share. I close my eyes again and I fall asleep.
I was poked in my arm several times before I realized it was Safeya sitting next to me with a huge smile on her face. I open my eyes slowly, and then I smile.
She took my hands, both of them. In one of them she placed a huge big shell that has wholes and pointy edges. And in the other hand she put several small stones, one of them was purple. The other one was orange in white, another was blue and the last one was soft and red. They where so beautiful I kept in focus with this hand more.
“Look at the left hand first” she said while smiling
So I looked at the big stone that has pointy edges
“This is how you see yourself” My eyes got wide and desperate
“You see your self as one huge ugly thing from the inside, you see all the bad things, all your wholes and all your pointy edges”
And then she held my right hand and smiled a sweet tender smile
“And this is how I see you”
“Allot of different beautiful things, each one of them is unique in it’s own way”
I look at the stones, different colors, each one of them is beautiful in a way.
And the she continues
” and they are all you”
they say healers are givers, they say healers are advisors, but I say not.
I say healers are warriors, they save you from your own self. Once they squeeze the sponge, only pure water pours.
But I felt it, the colors in the stones are the colors I color my surface every minute, rainbows on my mouth are not a myth. I must stop cutting my own self, cause I feel it. I am an exposed nerve. and a nerves job is to feel. I feel everything.